I am a very lucky woman. Blessed, more like it. I have my moments of feeling sorry for myself and generally throwing myself a big ol' pity party but it could have been worse. The horse could have trampled my head. She could have shimmied around a lot more instead of getting right off of me. I could have died right there. I could have not had the 4 amazing people there who had the intestinal fortitude and knowledge to get me what and where I needed to be (Greg, Joan, Melanie, and Sam)...but they were there and were key factors in my survival. My EMTs could have slacked off but they put pep in their step and got me to the hospital in record time. I could have been transported to Cincinatti instead of UK and who knows what kind of surgeons I would have gotten there? My surgeons are and remain miracle workers. And my Naval support - My God...I cannot even begin to explain how much they've helped me and my family. "Above and beyond the call of duty" leaps to mind. My command, my case workers Georgia Monsam and Chief Litherland, my co-workers/friends in Virginia Beach and Naples, Italy.....they all make me proud and honored to wear the same uniform. Anyone who has been in the Navy (or any branch of the military) will tell you that it's not always fun and sometimes it just is a plain-knock-down-drag-out suckfest. No job is ever perfect. At the end of the day, we're a family. Not a perfect family - but we're there for each other like any good family is. We take care of our own.
Things happened as they should have. From the minute the accident happened, I was surrounded by God's angels - people I call my friends and family. I don't think I would have made it through any of this with any sanity without them.
I was in the waiting room today at the Kentucky Clinic today and I looked all around me at these people who had wheelchairs, walkers, pins, needles, and all sorts of other contraptions that keep them mobile and alive. I have my legs that are still functional and my brain is still in tact (arguably, anyway - haha). My drawbacks are a MUCH-smaller-than-before gap in my stomach from the surgery (that has scabbed/scarred over so much I don't even need a bandage or "wound vac" over it to protect it) and an ileostomy bag. I can't run around with the stamina I had before the accident but when I'm healed I'll get that back - not everyone else has that opportunity after a traumatic injury.
There are days I feel useless and I feel like a burden to those around me because I cannot do what I used to be able to do. Lifting my laundry is a no-go...cooking...cleaning....sometimes somedays getting out of bed is a battle in and of itself. It's depressing but then I think about people like Christopher Reeve - Superman himself - who was thrown from a horse and couldn't use his body from the neck down and look at what HE accomplished after the fact. Not only did he portray one of my fictional heros, he is a real-life hero of mine, may he rest in peace.
The bag proves problematic sometimes. It's more a vanity thing than anything, I guess. It feels awkward and dirty but it's reversible so it won't be around once I hit 25 years old (I hope). It's just partially digested food and stomach acid so you get used to it. Even people with ostomies live productive, active lives. The only reason I'm not active right now is because of the surgical site. The bag has opened my eyes to the fact that not one public restroom I've been to is ostomy-friendly. I would like to rectify this situation. No person EVER should have to kneel on a dirty germ-infested bathroom floor to fulfill a basic human requirement. There should be large-mouthed open drain basins that are waist level for ostomy patients. You wouldn't think it - but there are many out there with this affliction. Just because we do things a tinge differently than the rest of the world due to sickness, injury or otherwise, doesn't mean we should be treated as second-class citizens.
So I'm not what one would classify as "normal". But what is normal, really? Normal is what you're used to. The abnormal...the trials and tribulations of life are what test you to become a better/stronger person. Hopefully this challenge, this accident, is just an opportunity in disguise to toughen me. God only gives you what He thinks you can handle. I truly believe that.
So while I enjoy normalcy, I don't mind the abnormal once in awhile to shake things up. Not that I crave drama or attention - but I hate the mundane. If everything was sunshine and roses all the time, what would be the reward of living? That you walked the path of least resistance? Doesn't seem very fulfilling to me. You can't have highs without lows.
I don't think it wise to go out and seek trouble or life-threatening accidents to "carpe diem", as it were, but when life hands you lemons, make a lemon meringue pie. Do stuff that scares you normally. Take risks. I know I will. I have a second chance at life and I'm not going to waste it sitting on the sidelines waiting for things to come my way.
A very wise man once told me "it's not what happens to you, it's how you deal with it." I might not have it down to a fine-tuned art yet but I'm dealing with it. My support system (family/friends) make this possible. Thank you all for sticking by me with prayers, love, and support. It means the world to me.
Should trouble come knocking at any of y'alls doors, I'll be there to beat the hell out of it with a baseball bat...just say the word.
Love always,
Caitlin
P.S. Sorry for the novel - I just have a lot of gratitude that I haven't even begun to express. Words cannot even capture how thankful I am....to all of you. Thank you.
