Raining Outside, Sunny Inside

I haven't really posted in awhile. Why? I didn't want to bore y'all to death with the mundane day-to-day of the healing process. It's pretty slow at that daily pace but looking back from where I was to today? Wow. It seems like I've got the healing factor of Wolverine (from the X-Men - google it if you don't know who I'm talking about).

I am a very lucky woman. Blessed, more like it. I have my moments of feeling sorry for myself and generally throwing myself a big ol' pity party but it could have been worse. The horse could have trampled my head. She could have shimmied around a lot more instead of getting right off of me. I could have died right there. I could have not had the 4 amazing people there who had the intestinal fortitude and knowledge to get me what and where I needed to be (Greg, Joan, Melanie, and Sam)...but they were there and were key factors in my survival. My EMTs could have slacked off but they put pep in their step and got me to the hospital in record time. I could have been transported to Cincinatti instead of UK and who knows what kind of surgeons I would have gotten there? My surgeons are and remain miracle workers. And my Naval support - My God...I cannot even begin to explain how much they've helped me and my family. "Above and beyond the call of duty" leaps to mind. My command, my case workers Georgia Monsam and Chief Litherland, my co-workers/friends in Virginia Beach and Naples, Italy.....they all make me proud and honored to wear the same uniform. Anyone who has been in the Navy (or any branch of the military) will tell you that it's not always fun and sometimes it just is a plain-knock-down-drag-out suckfest. No job is ever perfect. At the end of the day, we're a family. Not a perfect family - but we're there for each other like any good family is. We take care of our own.

Things happened as they should have. From the minute the accident happened, I was surrounded by God's angels - people I call my friends and family. I don't think I would have made it through any of this with any sanity without them.

I was in the waiting room today at the Kentucky Clinic today and I looked all around me at these people who had wheelchairs, walkers, pins, needles, and all sorts of other contraptions that keep them mobile and alive. I have my legs that are still functional and my brain is still in tact (arguably, anyway - haha). My drawbacks are a MUCH-smaller-than-before gap in my stomach from the surgery (that has scabbed/scarred over so much I don't even need a bandage or "wound vac" over it to protect it) and an ileostomy bag. I can't run around with the stamina I had before the accident but when I'm healed I'll get that back - not everyone else has that opportunity after a traumatic injury. 

There are days I feel useless and I feel like a burden to those around me because I cannot do what I used to be able to do. Lifting my laundry is a no-go...cooking...cleaning....sometimes somedays getting out of bed is a battle in and of itself. It's depressing but then I think about people like Christopher Reeve - Superman himself - who was thrown from a horse and couldn't use his body from the neck down and look at what HE accomplished after the fact. Not only did he portray one of my fictional heros, he is a real-life hero of mine, may he rest in peace.

The bag proves problematic sometimes. It's more a vanity thing than anything, I guess. It feels awkward and dirty but it's reversible so it won't be around once I hit 25 years old (I hope). It's just partially digested food and stomach acid so you get used to it. Even people with ostomies live productive, active lives. The only reason I'm not active right now is because of the surgical site. The bag has opened my eyes to the fact that not one public restroom I've been to is ostomy-friendly. I would like to rectify this situation. No person EVER should have to kneel on a dirty germ-infested bathroom floor to fulfill a basic human requirement. There should be large-mouthed open drain basins that are waist level for ostomy patients. You wouldn't think it - but there are many out there with this affliction. Just because we do things a tinge differently than the rest of the world due to sickness, injury or otherwise, doesn't mean we should be treated as second-class citizens. 

So I'm not what one would classify as "normal". But what is normal, really? Normal is what you're used to. The abnormal...the trials and tribulations of life are what test you to become a better/stronger person. Hopefully this challenge, this accident, is just an opportunity in disguise to toughen me. God only gives you what He thinks you can handle. I truly believe that.

So while I enjoy normalcy, I don't mind the abnormal once in awhile to shake things up. Not that I crave drama or attention - but I hate the mundane. If everything was sunshine and roses all the time, what would be the reward of living? That you walked the path of least resistance? Doesn't seem very fulfilling to me. You can't have highs without lows. 

I don't think it wise to go out and seek trouble or life-threatening accidents to "carpe diem", as it were, but when life hands you lemons, make a lemon meringue pie. Do stuff that scares you normally. Take risks. I know I will. I have a second chance at life and I'm not going to waste it sitting on the sidelines waiting for things to come my way.

A very wise man once told me "it's not what happens to you, it's how you deal with it." I might not have it down to a fine-tuned art yet but I'm dealing with it. My support system (family/friends) make this possible. Thank you all for sticking by me with prayers, love, and support. It means the world to me.

Should trouble come knocking at any of y'alls doors, I'll be there to beat the hell out of it with a baseball bat...just say the word.

Love always,

Caitlin

P.S. Sorry for the novel - I just have a lot of gratitude that I haven't even begun to express. Words cannot even capture how thankful I am....to all of you. Thank you.

Dr. Phil makes me sad inside

So anyway, I'm back at home again (got here this past Monday). Yesterday was a funfilled trip to the ER because I was having some bacteria in my tummy wound but it ended up being easily fixed by a "wet dry" dressing.
Basically I pack wet gauze dressing into my (now tiny) wound in my tummy and put an absorbant pad over it and tape it. No more tubes or portable wound vacs to carry around. I'll probably go back to the wound vac but I might not...who knows?
I felt a little nauseated this morning but after some good rest, I felt a lot better.
Daddy went to the dentist today and they gave him some pretty good drugs cause Sammy and Justin had to help him up the stairs. He started saying some pretty weird crap in his sleep, which entertained Momma and I endlessly. He's doing pretty well now.
Katie's b-day is tonight and I'm headin there and see how long I can hold up. I think I'll do ok. I can hang in the kitchen sitting down for about an hour so I think I'll be ok.
Alright, enough outta me! Ciao guys!

Love, Cait

P.S. My doc's name was Nashley Steele...how cool is that?!

"Why don't you take a picture, Ian?! Post it on total freaking awesomeness dot com - backslash 'we rule'!"

Ok, so posting a quote from "Sex Drive" - mindless movie that makes me laugh. Kind of an American Pie type movie. Like I said - mindless. Sometimes you just need to watch movies like that.

Today in the mail I got that belly band that'll waterproof my woundvac and ostomy bag but unfortunately I got one size too small. I lost a lot of weight since Feb 14th so I erroneously thought I'd be two sizes smaller rather than 1 size smaller. Another way I screwed up: I never measured myself - I guesstimated. Oh well - that's why they have return policies.

I got my Superman hat in the mail today as well and i'm very happy! I'm wearing it right now. It's really comfortable and has a leather bill underneath the cap. It looks vintage and antique, which is why I bought it in the first place. I like old-fashioned stuff, vintage, retro, and antique. Guess what the price tag said on the hat? $250.00!!!!! I obviously didn't pay that much! I only paid $23.00 (including shipping). Heckuva deal, huh?!

Last night Leah came over and we watched Robot Chicken. For those who are unfamiliar, it's a stop animation show with action figures. Actually kind of a sick joke show but Leah and I love it.

Dad just left not too long ago and it was nice to visit with him. He (on top of the packages) brought me the kickass Superman fleeec blanket and my stuffed animal angel.

I am a blessed girl.

Ok, the codeine is kickin in and it's gettin hard to keep my eyes open, much less type.

LATER! <3

Run Through the Jungle

I think my titles of my blogs these days are just going to be songs I'm listening to - either lyrics or the title. Why? Cause I feel like it.

My docs had emergency OR trauma procedures to do so my docs didn't make rounds this morning. Some interns did, however. Their bedside manner was ATROCIOUS. Hopefully they'll learn some before they finish their residency. I mentioned it to one of the surgeons and he said he'd take care of it. I don't want to get anyone in trouble or stir the pot but when I'm asking a question about my health while you're walking out and you keep walking, that denotes a lack of respect. I can't respect a doctor if he can't respect me. It's just not feasible. And before anyone asks, I was talking loud enough.

Enough of my belly-aching (no pun intended). Other than that, it's been a pretty awesome day. I got some more Nintendo DS games in the mail. I've been saving money like crazy so I thought I'd treat myself a little bit. I also got myself a Superman hat (to replace the one I lost) and a few other odds and ends. I got a camera to take pics of, well, everything. I have a nice 35mm SLR but I don't really like taking that out unless it's a really special occasion. For the day-to-day random pics of life, I'm going with the Nikon Coolpix. It's red, too (my fav color)!

Trish asked me if I could type out the list of my goals to accomplish and such but since it's 95 things, I'll type it in a word doc and send it to anyone who's interested. Just give me your email.

One of the things on the list is to get a bartending license. Why? Because I think it's important to learn a new trade because you never know what's going to happen. Bartenders make good money and with the economy being what it is, it never hurts to learn a new vocation.

So here's my plan for the future. It's exciting because the military kind of plans things for you in your life - now I get to figure out my career path more on my own than I have in a long while. So here it is:

1. Take the 6 week school to be a Nursing Technical assistant

2. Work as a tech for about a month to see if becoming a full RN appeals to me.

3. If it doesn't, go back to the drawing board. If being an RN DOES appeal to me, sign up for classes at BCTC and UK to finish degree and sign up for nursing school (3 year program).

4. Be a nurse and hopefully save people.

Someone pointed out to me today that I'm ahead of the curve. I thought initially they meant because I've seen a lot of procedures done on me and I know how they work and in a lot of cases, i can do them to myself (blood thinner shots, ileostomy care, mucus fistula care, the inner workings of the intestinal system, etc). What they meant (and explained to me, of course) was that I'd make a great nurse because I've been in the bed before. I've seen the hospital from a different perspective and when I run across someone with a similar medical problem to myself, I'll be able to relate and give better advice because I've been in the trenches. Excellent point. Even if they don't have my same afflictions, I know what it's like to be stuck in a hospital and want to go home...to feel lonely sometimes...to feel scared and restless...etc. All very normal but it doesn't mean these feelings are easy to get through on one's own.

I think basically the accident was a catalyst for change that needed to happen in my life and the lives of others around me. All the blessings that have happened were MEANT to happen. I think sometimes God uses people as instruments of His divine plan and it's best not to question it. Granted there is free will for all mankind but God occasionally will shove us in a certain direction and He will NEVER give you more than you can handle. I don't think I'm a prophet, a martyr, or a saint or anything - just a regular girl that was chosen for a specific purpose because my accident was the first domino to fall in the long line of things that NEEDED to happen.

Oh, I almost forgot! Yesterday I gave Leah her Kindle 2. She was SO psyched and happy that I bought it for her. Again, I've saved up lots of money and she very much deserves it. She's been there for me from the very beginning. As soon as I got out of the ICU, she was right there ready to sacrifice sleeping in her own bed and being woken up by doctors and nurses coming in all the time just so she could sleep in a recliner next to her baby sister. She and my momma made my room at home SO beautiful and comfortable. I really can't list all the things she's done because it's a pretty long list. My parents helped out a lot too, of course and I'm very grateful. Sam is another person that was at the hospital all the time. I think he is neck and neck with Leah on that score. I got him a couple of gifts, too. Of course, both Leah and Sam were peeved that I spent money on them. Well, tough cookies, guys! They were happy with their gifts. Just seeing their faces light up...SO awesome.

I really wish I had enough money to buy EVERYONE a Kindle or something like that because everyone I know has been so supportive and helpful. Unfortunately, I don't have unlimited funds. 

Ok that's enough outta me! LATER!!! :-D

Here it goes again!

Currently listening to the little iPod stereo system I got for Dad for his birthday one year. He was gracious enough to let me borrow it. I was so sleepy this morning that I didn't even know he came in to drop it off. 

Mom came by a few hours after him and I was awake for that. She brought crayons, puzzle books that Eileen gave me, and Leah's surprise (haha - thought I'd be silly enough to post what it is, didn't you, Leah? Nope! I was born at night but not LAST night). 

Leah's coming back from Charleston, SC and Columbia, SC. She had Taylor's bachelorette party as Maid of Honor in Charleston and from the phone calls I got, it was a smashing success! Taylor and Leah definitely deserved the time to cut loose and relax a bit! They both work their butts off on the day to day not only in their normal jobs but with the wedding planning. It'll be quite a shindig. Hopefully I'll be able to go to the wedding. I'm still trying to coerce the docs into letting me go since I know how to dress/redress my wounds on my own. I'll be in a wheelchair to avoid falling or any other accidents and I'll keep a stock of supplies just in case. I can pretty much change and fix my dressings with my eyes closed now since I stopped being grossed out by it and started actually paying attention to what was going on. Once you get past the initial grossness, it's actually quite fascinating (especially the wound-vac technology). Whenever they redress my wounds, I actually watch rather than put my eye mask on. I've even gotten into the habit of helping out and telling them specifically what is the most comfortable and what prevents me from rashing (apparently I'm allergic to adhesive).

In other news, I found a great contraption online for people with ostomy bags. They have a belly wrap that's vaccumn sealed!!! Why is that so exciting? It means I can swim!!!! Take a real shower!!! Take a bubble bath!!! It's made both for wounds (like the wound vac) and the ostomy bag. Completely 100% safe and waterproof! I cannot WAIT to try it out. Sammy, my consummately awesome boyfriend, bought it for me. Apparently I had no choice in the matter....lol. I GET TO SWIM!!! But first...I have to get outta this hospital. The output has gone down a little bit but not to the level they want yet. 

I've been considering looking into nursing school lately. I know being in a hospital as a patient isn't really a basis for a career but I get to see these dedicated men and women every day. They're the most selfless people and they go above and beyond as a general principle, not for reward.

I have not had one nurse that I dislike in this whole process. They've all been compassionate, helpful, knowledgeable, friendly, and understanding. Whenever I was down in the dumps, they'd let me cry but they'd give me reasons to smile. They would sit there and make sure you were smiling again before they even thought about leaving (unless there was an emergency, of course). I haven't cried for a good week now, which is nice. There's nothing wrong with grieving because of what happened and the sacrifices my family, friends, and I have had to make in the process but at some point you have to say "Well, this sucks but it is what it is and it's time to move on. You pick yourself up by your bootstraps, focus on the positives, and dust yourself off. You move on. The point of view I have now (which differs greatly from a few weeks ago) is that God has opened SO many more windows than the door that He closed when the accident happened. The VA medical benefits are just gravy or icing on the cake, as it were. I'm still grateful for these benefits the Navy is providing and once again my family and I would like to thank Amy and Georgia for their tireless efforts in making sure everything with the Navy is squared away. We really couldn't have done it without y'all!!! THANK YOU!

The biggest blessing is that my family is back together for the first time in years. A crappy way to have a reunion but hey, that's life. We've always been a close family but we lose track of each other from time to time due to busy schedules. It's normal...but we realize that we all need to take more time out of our weeks for each other. This is just another trial to prove to ourselves how tough we really are. You cannot knock a Kannensohn down, it would seem. One of Dad's friends referred to us as Team Kannensohn - that sounds about right! :-)

Oh, back to the nurses! Sorry, my conversations and blogs jump around a bit. As Sammy would say, I'm all over the place like Seabiscut. Don't ask.

The nurses I had normally last week have come in on their off time after their shifts to check on me, one nurse brought me and Sam brownies, and one taught me breathing exercises to calm myself down when I have a panic attack. Florence Nightingale would be proud! They're not just nurses - they're angels. They're like my own little surrogate hospital family now and even when I'm out of the hospital, I plan on coming back to visit - probably as a volunteer (hopefully!).

In other news, I have started a list of things I want to do in my lifetime. I'm already to number 91. Some of the entries are simple advice I've picked up from my superiors, elders, betters, etc. that I won't cross off because it's a constant thing that I need to do (such as "pick your battles wisely" or "remind loved ones how much they mean to you regularly"). Some of the entries can be crossed off (like "learn to cook" or "buy a completely refurbished 1967 Chevy Impala"). It's an organic, growing list. I didn't do it on the computer because I want to go back and re-read things and writing it out seems more personal.

Ok, time to get back to bed! Big day tomorrow! Can't wait til Leah gets back! I missed her LOTS!

Leah - if you read this before you leave - DRIVE SAFE!!!!

Love, Cait

P.S. A big big big thank you and a hug to Joan Roulette for reminding me to update the journal. I had emailed her back and told her that not much had been going on and then I realized there was a lot I hadn't written!

P.P.S. Scrubs is an AWESOMELY funny show. Shouldn't be watching a hospital show while in the hospital but I've never really followed convention - why start now? LoL

P.P.P.S. If anyone has any suggestions on what to put on my list, let me know!

Scrabble Extravaganza!!!

I BEAT DAD AT SCRABBLE! 234 to 217!!!!! FIRST TIME!

That's me above enjoying my water of victory!

Dad requests a rematch to retain some dignity. Best outta 3. Apparently I won the battle but not the war. :-)

moving again!!!

I'm moving to room 760 to my own private room! I'm sad to leave my roommate but I'm glad to have some privacy finally!

WOO!!!

Hearts and love and kisses,

Cait

It's been awhile...

Sorry for not updating lately!

I'm sitting here hanging out. I am doing MUCH MUCH MUCH better. I feel SO much like my old self again. I'm walking around a lot better without feeling dizzy or tired. Sam, Katie, Justin, Meagan and I all ate lunch in the cafeteria yesterday. It felt so NORMAL, which was so refreshing.

OH! I got a shower. a REAL shower (as opposed to a sponge bath) the other day. Right before they change the dressings on my stomach, I'm allowed to take a shower because they're going to get changed anyway so it doesn't matter if they get wet. I never thought I'd feel so grateful for a shower. It was HEAVEN!

I went outside TWICE the other day when it was really really nice. I went with Sam the first time and Katie and Sam the second time. 

I like to get out in the wheelchair at least once a day to go explore the hospital. I can maneuver it pretty well! I only use the wheelchair when I'm going a long distance. I'm doing a lot of leg exercises today with my thera-bands (huge rubber bands that I can do muscle resistance training with).

I have a new roommate and she's awesome. Very nice lady. Her son is adorable and her family is really cool.

Shouldn't be too much longer before I get to go home. I feel about 100 times better than I did the first time I was discharged from the hospital.

Love you all! Your prayers and love made this speedy recovery a reality!!!! :-)

Love, Cait

Time is on my side...yes it is...

Sorry - as the title suggests, I got nothin but time so I wanted to post again real quick to something that happened today (aside from my roommate taking a spill out of bed and quoting a circa 1990s TV commercial for elderly healthcare aids).

I was getting my vitals taken when Greg Roulette (Sam's uncle) and Sam were over. Sam and I were arguing about whether or not Gary Busey and Nick Nolte look the same. I said they do in certain pics (Nolte has gained a LOT of weight since Tropic Thunder) and Sam disagreed. Greg agreed with me because Greg is smart and Greg and I are CORRECT.

Anyway, my nurse had me hooked up to read my pulse and she had to tell me to stop arguing with Sam about Nolte/Busey because it was speeding up my pulse and if she recorded it at 145 they would probably put me on heart meds again. I had to take 10 deep breaths (and Sam had to shut up for 5 minutes) to get it down to 108.

Thanks, Sam....you jerk.... :-)

Things are what they are...

As it was pointed out to me, I'm greatly contributing to the healthcare system and lowering the national deficit (thanks, Uncle Bryan :-D ). What can I say? I'm a helper....haha

Yeah...so...back in the hospital. Apparently I caught a bug. The CT scans came back negative thankfully so they're going with tummy virus and dehydration. It probably didn't help my stomach to go from hospital food to Subway, either. Lots of changes in a really short time, which is no one's fault - just one of those things. Seemed like a good idea at the time and then it didn't work out.

So LOTS of IV bags, some morphine, and some chocolate ice cream later...I'm feeling a lot better. Much much much better. I'm sitting up a lot better and moving around a little better day by day.

I've upgraded from "clear liquid" diet to "general liquid" diet. For lunch I had a really good potato soup - soooo much better than chicken broth day in and day out (ok, for 2 days but that's a LOT of chicken broth...and it's gross after while).

I have a roommate this time around. She's an 81 year old woman and she's a PISTOL! Reminds me a lot of my grandmother on my dad's side (Lolly). She has a bad memory so she forgets that she broke her hip sometimes and thinks she can walk.

She fell out of her bed today when Sam and I were watching a movie on my laptop. I didn't know she had fallen because the curtain separates us but she started moaning said "I've fallen and I can't get up."...so I had a pretty good indication she had fallen. I pushed my call button and Sam got up to go get help. She yelled, "and there goes a man walkin' by and he doesn't even care!". I tried to calm her down while Sam got help and explain to her that he wasn't ignoring her - he just wasn't medically trained to help her. A whole SWARM of nurses and techs came in to help her up by the time Sam got through alerting the whole ward. It was pretty chaotic but everything worked out.

She's ok and got checked out. She got pain meds and her family came to visit so all is well.

As far as karma goes, Sam and I know why I'm in the hospital and why he has diabetes - we can't stop laughing that she actually said "I've fallen and I can't get up."...after we knew she was ok, of course...but still...damn, I feel guilty. Please tell me we're not alone in thinking that it's a LITTLE funny she said that...

Ok enough from me. Hope all is well with everyone!

Love, Caity

P.S. Anyone got any good funny movies they want to suggest? I got nothin but time. Books?